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There are some questions that men are always asking: What's the score? Where's the remote? Do you have anything to eat? Do women secretly fantasize about other women? While the first three vary from day to day, the last one depends on whom you're asking. For a Midwestern gal whose ideas about relationships come from fairy tales spun by Hollywood, the thought might seem weird -- if not downright wrong. But ask a street-savvy woman from the big city and the question probably becomes more like "Secretly, my ass! What girl doesn't fantasize about other women?" It all boils down to the difference in lifestyle and upbringing. Sounds simple, right? Well, there are certain aspects of the bi-curious question that still keep men guessing. is she or isn't she? Just as women sometimes wonder whether or not the office hottie with unerring fashion sense might be playing for the other team, men may wonder whether women who fantasize about other women are lesbians or just curious. Let's set the record straight: women who fantasize about other women are not necessarily lesbians. In fact, many believe that there is a sexual continuum, according to which no one is truly 100% "gay" or "straight." Instead, all of us fall somewhere in the middle, with tendencies towards either end of the spectrum. What all of this means is that women who would never otherwise display any interest in sleeping with other women might find themselves admiring the fullness of Angelina Jolie's lips. This is normal and to be expected, particularly since the female form has quite a devoted fan base in music, literature and art -- not to mention in men's magazines. Anyone who could honestly claim that they've never been remotely attracted to a woman's body would have to be lying or totally asexual. Our world is so saturated with images of women -- and in particular, women behaving sexually -- that it's almost absurd to argue that this has no impact on women's fantasies. Clearly, women are as interested in those images as men are. The question is, why? Why would women find themselves actively fantasizing about other women, instead of, say, men? There are a few possible explanations for this: Women are easier on the eyes. When asked to be brutally honest, women often admit that they find the male body, well... not as artful-looking as the female body. As Elaine Benes from Seinfeld once said: "The female body is a work of art. The male body is utilitarian. It's for gettin' around. It's like a Jeep." A man's body isn't as curvy and soft as a woman's, and while they prefer to have sex with men, some women still find themselves appraising other women's bodies, which may lead to wondering what they're like in bed. Fantasies don't equate real life. Even though a woman might never consider deviating from her heterosexuality, she may wonder what it's like to have another woman in her bed. When we fantasize, we let our imaginations run wild, and for some women this includes dreaming up scenarios wherein they get to sleep with the same celebrities their guys have been drooling over. Which leads to my next point…Threesomes are sexy. While the average woman pictures a threesome as two guys focused on pleasing her, the average man clearly prefers to imagine two women pleasing him. Women who fantasize about other women provide men with common ground. This could be the starting point for a very interesting conversation… or more. set tongues wagging Just because your woman is dreaming of a little girl-on-girl action doesn't mean you're out of the picture. In fact, this type of fantasy may imply that she'd like a little more in the cunnilingus department. So limber up your tongue and see how hot her fantasy can be when you play along. the benefits of female fantasy In the end, women fantasize about other women because it's considered acceptable for women to be bi-curious; in some circles it's even chic. The permissiveness of society when it comes to sexual exploration enables women to enjoy themselves and behave boldly, and if they're ballsy enough to go for it, often results in an expanded repertoire of games, toys and positions. In other words, women fantasizing about other women can benefit men as well. So next time your girlfriend wants to see the latest chick-flick, don't be so hard on her: she may be thinking about doing the same things to Claire Forlani as you are. http://www.askmen.com/love/vanessa_100/105b_love_secrets.html

Do you think that it is possible to be lesbian and sexually attracted to men? What about lesbians who have sexual fantasies that include men? Or lesbians who have relationships only with women and occasionally have sex with a man? If you have any of these feelings or experiences, you are not alone, and they don't have to diminish your lesbian identity. On the other hand, if the thought of one or all of these upset or anger you, you are not alone, either. As lesbians, we can be sensitive about these issues, and with good reason. Understanding Why Some Lesbians are Uncomfortable With the Topic It's not hard to understand why some lesbians might not trust lesbians or bisexual women who include men in their sex lives. In a world where we are told that lesbian relationships are a fad, a phase, less significant than straight relationships, don't last, are unhappy, unstable, and lacking because there is no male involvement, and that all we need is a "good fuck," it can be hard to feel open to lesbians or bisexual women who want, or do have sex with men. We want the world to recognize lesbian relationships and to understand that we are perfectly content and sexually fulfilled with women. It is within this context that it can be hard for some lesbians to hear that other lesbians' sexual fulfillment includes fantasies and sex with men. It sounds too familiar to what homophobes say about us, and so we distance ourselves from them and refuse to listen. But are we getting anywhere by not listening to each other? I don't think so. Sometimes, our community can feel pretty polarized and divided. Bisexuality May Not Be The Answer Many people think that there are two narrowly defined sexual orientations for women -- lesbian and straight -- and that women fall neatly into one or the other category for the rest of their lives (or at least once they've come out). Deviations from these categories upset a lot of people, including both those who support and those opposed to lesbian sexuality. In response, a third category is introduced: bisexuality. There is a tendency to view bisexuality as fitting anyone who doesn't neatly fit into the other two; kind of like a "dumping ground" rather than a viable alternative in its own right. But even this third category hasn't resolved the issue because it would mean, for example, grouping women who form all of their emotional and sexual relationships with women and occasionally have sex with men into the same category as women who form all of their emotional and sexual relationships with men and occasionally have sex with women. Sexuality As a Continuum Maybe it's more helpful to view sexuality as being a continuum of different sexual desires and behaviours, and that it's possible to move a little, or a lot, on the continuum at different times in one's life. Perhaps there is even a continuum of desire and another continuum of behaviour, which explains why we fantasize about all kinds of things that we are not interested in acting on. This would explain why lesbians who occasionally sleep with men identify as lesbian. Most of the time they are at the far end of the continuum where they have relationships exclusively with women. A small minority of the time they move on the continuum and enjoy a night of sex with a man. Our Sexuality Isn't Simple Many lesbians (and others, too) would prefer the simplicity of saying a lesbian is one thing and one thing only, but it just doesn't reflect the sexual desires and behaviour of all lesbians, and we don't resolve anything by saying that lesbians who sleep with men aren't "real" lesbians. The question is whether or not we can listen to lesbians without judgement, and be open to understanding their feelings without having to categorize them. A More Diverse Community In the end, the fact that there are lesbians who sometimes have sex with men, and bisexual women, doesn't diminish or take anything away from the many lesbians who have no sexual desire for men; nor does it decrease the importance of countering heterosexist and homophobic myths. We can only gain by acknowledging and respecting the sexual diversity of our community; in doing that, we gain a richer and more varied community. http://www.kalimunro.com/article_lesbians_and_men.html